


Once you fuck the fire all that's left to do is burn

by riptxdes (fukmylyf)



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, all my homies hate hms, fuck hms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fukmylyf/pseuds/riptxdes
Summary: Monty and Percy cuddle and talk about things.theres no plot to this its just character musing and fluff
Relationships: Henry "Monty" Montague/Percy Newton
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Once you fuck the fire all that's left to do is burn

**Author's Note:**

> title's from the plan (fuck jobs) by the front bottoms

The first time it happened, Monty was only six. He'd been running around, and had tripped over a rug and spilt his father's drink, and his mother had picked him up gently afterwards and told him to be more careful. Monty learnt quickly after that that avoiding his father was the best course of action, as he'd gotten in trouble for laughing too hard, coughing too loud, shutting the door with too much force. He'd had a few lists formed by the time he was ten, how to read his fathers emotions so he could plan for his rage, what behaviors were the most likely to upset him at any given moment. When he was twelve, still hiding bruised ribs and black eyes, he realized that perhaps, there wasn't any way to avoid it. 

The first time Percy found out, Monty could hardly remember what he'd done to earn this beating. It wasn't anything major, and he'd only been punched once, so he hadn't thought to avoid Percy in the following day, and had realized too late what a mistake that was when Percy had grabbed him in a tight hug and Monty had to bite his lip to keep from whimpering in pain. Percy had noticed, though, the way he'd tensed up and frozen, the tiny strangled noise that escaped his lips, and Monty couldn't think of a reason to lie to him. Percy seemed confused, upset, and had told Monty with all the confidence a nine year old could muster, which was quite a lot, to be fair, that he'd protect him, that he wouldn't let anyone hurt him ever again. 

Percy did his best, admittedly. And he never turned on Monty, even when the rest of the world did. Monty wondered, sometimes, if that was the reason he'd fallen for Percy, his desperate need to love and be loved finally matched in his best friend. 

Monty turned to watch Percy's sleeping form in the bed next to him, took note of the way his nostrils flared with each exhale, the way his eyelashes cast shadows across his cheeks, the constellation of freckles under his eyes. Percy looked so calm, at peace, like this, barely illuminated in the dim light from outside. Monty raised a hand to brush a stray strand of coarse, curly hair out of Percy's face, tucking it behind his ear. Percy's face scrunched up with the movement, his eyes squinting and then opening slowly, looking up at Monty with thinly veiled frustration. 

"Why are you up?" he asked, voice rough with sleep. His breath was warm and tinged sour, and Monty leaned forward to kiss him, soft. 

"Couldn't sleep," Monty responded, settling down next to Percy, his face tucked into his shoulder, resting a hand on Percy's chest. Percy shook his head, but pulled Monty closer, curling around him and pressing a kiss against the top of his head. 

"What were you thinking about?" Percy asked. 

"Who said I was thinking, darling?"

"Mm. I forgot, you're above thoughts, aren't you dear?" 

Monty scoffed, then leaned in and licked a stripe up Percy's chin, drawing an indignant squawk out of him as he sprung up. 

"You menace," Percy whined, wiping at his face with his sleeve and pouting. Monty smiled sweetly, curling up around Percy's now abandoned pillow. Percy snatched the pillow out from Monty's arms, ignoring his offended whimper, fluffing it and placing it back on the bed, turning his back to Monty and lying back down. 

Monty wrapped himself around Percy as best he could, burying his face into Percy's neck. "Was thinking about my father," he admitted, pressing a kiss to the spot his words landed on Percy's skin.

"Oh, love," Percy said softly. 

"Wasn't bad, just thinking."

"What about?" 

"All of it. You."

"Me?"

Monty hummed a confirmation. "I don't think I would've made it without you. I didn't really… have anyone else."

Percy didn't respond, just taking the hand Monty had wrapped around his chest to bring it up to his lips, pressing a kiss against Monty's knuckles. "I'm glad you did," he finally said, slowly, picking his words carefully. 

"I'm glad I did, too." A pause, filled only with the sounds of their breathing, in rhythm with each other. "I still… think about it sometimes. About- not existing, I suppose. I don't want to die, it just all gets a bit much sometimes."

Percy nodded, then paused, chewing his lips, before asking "What's the difference, there?"

"Hm?"

"Between dying and not existing?"

"Oh. Well, dying has… consequences, I suppose. Dying means funerals and clean up and- someone would find my body, and chances are it would be you, unless of course- well. I won't go there, but on the other hand, not existing means you'd all just forget about me, and it would be as if I was never there, and none of the- none of the harm I’ve caused you or Feli or anyone would've mattered, because it wouldn't have happened. If I'd never been born, then-"

Percy turned around, then, catching Monty's lips in a quick, deep kiss. "Let's not go there, darling."

Monty nodded, kissing Percy again. "I don't think it much, honest."

Percy brushed his fingers through Monty's hair, his fingers tracing over the scar across his face. "It… worries me that you think it at all, Monty."

Monty closed his eyes, turning his face to kiss Percy's hand in lieu of a response. "I won't mention it, then."

"No, Monty- I'd rather you talked to me." He tapped his knuckles against Monty's forehead. "It's nice knowing there _is_ something going on up there, after all." 

Monty snorted, shoving Percy away. "You're so cruel to me," he said with a laugh, but laid back down and allowed Percy to pull him closer again, pulling him into another kiss. Percy pushed himself to his elbows, hovering above Monty, staring down at him. Monty felt his cheeks flush, and he grinned, trying to disguise how flustered he felt under the thin guide of confidence. Not that it ever worked on Percy, who dipped his head to mouth at Monty's neck, drawing little breathy noises out of him, as he clung onto Percy's shoulders for dear life. "Oh, stop it, I'd like to get back to sleep."

Percy laughed. "You're the one who woke me up, you git."

"I didn't mean to!"

Percy laughed again, dropping down next to Monty. "Fine, then, come here."

Monty pressed his good ear against Percy's chest, letting the beat of his heart lull him to sleep, helped by Percy's hand in his hair, playing with his curls. 

The last time it happened was a few weeks before their tour. Monty had come home the night before, drunk, alone, and his father had dragged him out of bed early in the morning to yell at him, beat him, and let him put himself back together. He was glad for the hangover, for the way it muted the pain. He remembered it that way, as the last time now, though in comparison, it would've fallen to the background of his life. 

He supposed Percy had kept his promise, then, afterall. He was safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is so messy im sorry i just wanted to write some musings and cuddling and well. this. its fairly disjointed as a result and most likely a little ooc. oops?


End file.
